A Dead Heart
by KingdomKey1121
Summary: New Moon from Edward's POV - finding out Bella is dead and Italy.
1. Explosion

**Unfortunately, this feels really rushed, although I spent a lot of time on it. I am SO bad at Edward's POV; I hope I didn't butcher it.**

**Music inspiration: The Faint**

**Disclaimer: All of this belongs to Stephenie Meyer**

* * *

The phone in my pocket vibrated. I didn't reach for it. Couldn't they just leave me alone? That's all I wanted; to wallow in my misery forever. I didn't have the will to do anything anymore. The reason for my existence was safer without me and that's why I was here. I had tried distracting myself from the pain. I tried my hand at tracking but I was so terrible at it that I gave up. All I could think about was her and I wished that she was thinking about me too. My family probably thought I was in a fetal position, rocking in a dark corner. It wouldn't be that far from the truth.

The phone ceased its vibration. It sat still for a second and then began again. With a sigh I picked it out of my pocket, flipped it open, and held it up to my ear.

"What?" I growled. I immediately felt slightly guilty. What if it was Carlisle or Alice checking in on me? I knew they worried.

"Edward?" It was Rosalie. My guilt quickly dissolved.

"What?" I said again.

"It's Bella." I immediately perked at the sound of her name. But what news was important enough to call me for?

"What?" I repeated once more.

"Alice just saw her jump off of a cliff."

I felt what little color was left in my face drain out. It was suddenly harder to swallow.

"What?" That seemed to be the only word I was capable of saying.

"Alice didn't see her resurface."

I shut the phone. Of course, I knew that Bella wouldn't live forever, but this was so soon! Was she so depressed by my departure to want to commit suicide? No, I was giving myself too much credit. It must have been something else. But I desperately wanted that to be the reason. Stupid selfishness!

Obviously, I should check to make sure. I flipped open my phone again and dialed the familiar number without thinking about it. A husky voice I didn't recognize answered.

"Swan residence."

I figured someone in Forks would more likely know who Carlisle was than me.

"Hello. This is Dr. Carlisle Cullen. May I speak to Charlie Swan?"

"He's not here," came the angered reply.

"Where is he?" I pressed the phone harder to my ear, starting to get more frightened.

"He's at the funeral."

It took less than a second for the words to sink in. That was all I needed to hear. I shut the phone once again and let out a strangled moan. My chest suddenly felt hollow and everything was a haze. I had to get to Italy, and fast. The sooner I was destroyed, the sooner the pain would end. I ran straight to the airport without caring if a human noticed me, dropping my phone in a trash can I passed.

On the plane, I planned and thought. I would go straight to Aro and ask him to get rid of me. Of course, Aro wouldn't want to. He'd think it was a waste. He'd been wanting me to join the Volturi guard because of my special "talent" although through these past months it has seemed more like a burden. Every time I got to close to a couple and heard their love-soaked thoughts, I felt something stabbing my long-dead heart. I thought about Bella every minute of every day and still it was not enough. The funny thing was, I was about to give up and beg her to take me back before she decided to take her own life. Pain shot through my whole body again and it was hard to stay in my seat.

Take her own life. I couldn't allow myself to say or think the actual word. Better to use euphemisms. They were less painful.

Back to planning the suicide; it was a good distraction. Yes, Aro would probably refuse my request. What would he think about my longing for destruction? Felix and Demitri would probably laugh. Caius and Marcus would be skeptical. But they didn't understand. Nobody understood.

I genuinely hoped none of my family tried to stop me. Nothing they could say would dissuade me from my plan. And I hoped that they didn't try to avenge my "murder"; I couldn't bear the thought of my family going up against the Volturi. They would surely lose. Another pang of agony gouged my already shredded heart.

I prayed that they knew there was no hope to save me, even though I knew they would still try. I squeezed my eyes shut.

So, Aro would say no. What then? I would do something to expose them in their own beloved city. Throw a car or something. It wouldn't really be that hard. But I still wanted to ask first; if Aro said yes it would be that much quicker.

The plane landed and I was out and running to the city before any of the passengers unbuckled their seat belts. I could've taken a car of course, but running soothed me.

I pondered how I would ask. He would insist that he learn my past, something he could do by just touching me. Everything I've ever thought, displayed to him like a museum. The thought disgusted me. I guess I'd just have to ask outright.

The city came into view. I easily scaled the surrounding wall and found myself in what looked like the slums of the city. I swiftly navigated the streets until I found a sewer hole. I remembered that all of them led to the Voltruri stronghold so I jumped in and ran through until I reached an open iron wrought door.

Then I was in a brightly lit corridor. Felix and Demitri were at the opposite end, standing on either side of an elevator door. I was already there.

"Edward," Felix sneered. "What brings you here?"

"I need to see Aro, now." I was not in the mood for conversation.

_What business would Mr. Goody Too-Shoes have with Lord Aro?_

"Go on up," Demitri said and the doors slid open. They followed me in. On a higher floor, I passed a human receptionist who was filing her nails behind her desk. As we approached, she smiled at me warmly. I glared back murderously. I was then escorted down more brightly lit corridors to the Grand Hall. Aro and his ancient brethren were there, along with their wives and the guard. Jane was in attendance. She grinned maliciously at me as I entered. Her head was an uncomfortable place to be in; she thought only of causing others pain.

"Edward!" Aro cried enthusiastically. "What brings you here, dear fellow?"

_What does _he _want? _Caius thought.

"Aro, I must ask you a favor. Something that needs to be carried out immediately."

Without answering, he drifted toward me and raised his hand.

_May I?_ He asked me in his head.

My face stony, I touched my hand to his. There was a rush of color and sound as he read everything I'd ever seen and thought. It was getting sucked out of me like a vacuum. I could honestly say that my life was flashing before my eyes. If I had a life, that is. It started at the beginning; my brief human life to my first years as a vampire and through my months with Bella, until finally stopping at a second before he touched me. Seeing the flickers of memories of times spent with Bella brought on a whole new wave of pain in my still heart.

"You want to end your existence?" His tone was marred with disapproval and disappointment. A few of the other vampires stirred slightly. I ignored the hum of thoughts that flowed from them.

"Immediately," I repeated.

"I was hoping that you'd join the guard instead. You'd be wonderful asset, what with your talent!" How could his disposition be so sunny when the sun had exploded?

When I didn't answer, he fidgeted uncomfortably.

"We'll discuss it." I took that as my cue to leave. I nodded slightly and strode stiffly from the room.

From my sampling of his thoughts, I already knew Aro didn't want to grant my wish.

Sure enough, when they called me back in, they announced it officially. Aro made the offer to become part of the guard again but I declined and left.

"Please refrain from doing anything rash!" Aro called to my retreating figure. _I saw what you were planning, _he added in his head.

When I got back outside and into the night, I walked. It was the only thing I could do to stop myself from attacking anything that moved. What could I do to merit an unquestionable demise?

I could throw a heavy object into a wall. I could hunt humans. I could stand in the sun.

I was favoring the hunting idea. It was the most unforgivable thing to do, kill a human in Volterra. Even the vampire rulers got sustenance from elsewhere. It would fully expose our condemned race. And besides, I was thirsty. It seemed the most logical thing to do, and I could do it right now.

I took great care in choosing which of the citizens I would drink from. I had to make sure there were witnesses as well, so that the crime was punished firmly. The punishment is what I wanted, not the actual blood.

I caught sight of a young girl with a heart-shaped face and long brown hair walking past me. I started to shadow her. For some reason, I was very taken with her. I took a deep breath as her scent wafted toward me. I decided to stop her.

"_Ciao_." She turned when she heard my voice and gawked when she saw me. It was then I realized what made her so appealing to me. She reminded me of Bella. The only difference was her height and her eyes; they were green and shallow as compared to the deep chocolate I was used to. Then, suddenly, I saw Carlisle's face in my mind. Why was I doing this? He would be incredibly disappointed I'd stooped this low to get what I wanted. It was like that first day in Biology all over again, except without Bella's suffocating scent.

Any words I would have said to lure her got stuck in my throat on the way out. Like the coward I was, I fled, heading toward the center of the city.

I saw a sign posted on a brick wall in the plaza. It informed me, in Italian, that St. Marcus Day was tomorrow and there would be a grand festival in the very plaza I was standing in. Another plan was already formulating in my mind. Hundreds of people would be in the same place, at the same time. If I were to walk out in the sunlight… everyone would see… it would be hard to forget…

The clock tower behind me began to chime; it was midnight.

Under the clock. Everyone would be looking that way anyway.

The clock chimed again.

Noon. The sun would be highest in the sky.

Perfect.

* * *

**Please review, I need some constructive critisism because so far I don't like it.**


	2. Absolution

**I like this chapter much better ^_^**

**Music inspiration: Muse  
**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all of this stuff.**

* * *

It was three minutes until the clock struck twelve. Three minutes until I was liberated from this agony. Three minutes until, if Carlisle was right about our kind having an afterlife, I would see Bella again.

That is all I wanted; to see her again, at least once, if indeed I am condemned to an eternity in hell. Just meeting her and putting her in so much danger probably warranted a ticket straight there, at the very least. Just BEING should do the same. Monsters like me should not exist, especially not in the same world with creatures as good as Bella.

The clock chimed, a deep, rumbling sound.

I laughed lightly with relief. Finally. I heard the sounds of child's laughter behind me. A family stood at the opposite mouth of the small alley, decked in St. Marcus day colors; deep crimson and black.

The clock tolled again.

I turned back to the sunlight at my feet. I was only just in the shadow. I wondered vaguely if it was going to hurt. It didn't really matter.

The clock tolled again.

One of the little girls had spotted me in the gloom. She was trying to bring me to her father's attention. The clock tolled again.

I grasped the shoulder of my white shirt and tore it cleanly off. Better to see the glittering skin without the obstacle. It fluttered to the stones at my feet.

The clock tolled again.

I closed my eyes and took one step toward the light, opening my palms to touch it as the clock tolled again.

I thought I heard someone calling my name. Was that my mind playing tricks on me? Or was I already dead? But the voice sounded severely out of breath and I didn't hear any thoughts accompanying it, so I disregarded it as hallucinations on my part. I didn't mind fantasies, not now.

The clock tolled again.

Bella. So close. Soon, love. Soon. Soon we would be together again at last. I imagined my arms wrapped around her warm, fragile body and smiled faintly. The screams were getting louder. Was I close? I took another stride toward the sunlight.

The clock tolled again.

"No! Edward, look at me!"

Ah. The sweet angelic voice of my beloved. Of course she would be present in my mind during my final act. I lifted my foot to take the step that would expose me to the light as the clock chimed once more. Suddenly, something warm and soft hit me head on and I automatically raised my arms to catch it. The wall of scent that slammed into me had more of an effect. It was the same smell, but for some reason it didn't make my mouth water or my throat burn like it used to. I figured that I was just too relieved to be able to smell it again at all. Then something clicked; if I could smell Bella, didn't that mean I was dead and with her? I slowly opened my eyes to make sure my assumptions were correct as the clock tolled again, sounding distant now.

It was definitely her. She was dripping wet and slightly disheveled and her eyes were frenzied; not exactly what I had in mind, but I'd take it.

"Amazing," I said, in awe. Perhaps we did have a heaven after all. Although, this was much better than any heaven. "Carlisle was right."

"Edward," she gasped, out of breath. The sound of my name on her lips gave me great joy. "You've got to get back into the shadows. You have to move!"

I wasn't listening. I was too busy observing her flawless beauty. I lifted my hand to brush it against her cheek. The heat felt amazingly real. The clock chimed again but I didn't notice.

My heart. Although it was not pumping like it once did, it felt whole. It didn't feel like a strained muscle anymore. It was not in strips anymore. I could almost feel it _beating._

"I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing – they're very good," I mused, leaning to press my lips against her hair. It was so soft and smelled SO good.

"_Death, that hath sucked thy honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty,_" I quoted as the bell of the clock chimed one last time. I had once sympathized with Romeo and his plights.

"You smell exactly the same as always." I spoke directly to her now. "So maybe this _is_ hell. I don't care, I'll take it." If it meant being with Bella, it wasn't hell at all.

"I'm not dead! And neither are you!" Was she _trying _to ruin our reunion with frivolous conversation? "Please Edward, we have to move. They can't be far away!"

Who can't be far away? I was feeling very hazy. She wasn't making any sense.

"What was that?" I asked for clarification.

"We're not dead, not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Volturi –"

Several things registered at once. One, heaven or hell, Bella would never mention the Volturi if we were in fact safe from them. Two, I could hear the minds of Felix and Demetri nearby. Three, I was still standing in an alleyway, shirtless, and clutching a wet and terrified-looking Bella. Thus, I had to conclude that I was alive, Bella was with me, and we were both in mortal peril.

In the same second I realized all of this, I grabbed Bella and pinned her against the wall, arms outstretched protectively in front of her.

"Greetings gentlemen," I said with false politeness to the two figures that unfolded themselves from the darkness. "I don't think I'll be requiring your services today. I would appreciate it very much, however, if you would send my thanks to your masters."

"Shall we take this conversation to a more appropriate venue?" Felix asked, voice hard and menacing. I could feel Bella trembling behind me.

"I don't believe that will be necessary," I said icily. "I know your instructions, Felix. I haven't broken any rules."

Demetri chimed in. "Felix merely meant to point out the proximity of the sun. Let us seek better cover." I glared at him. I had to get Bella out.

"I'll be right behind you. Bella, why don't you go back to the square and enjoy the festival?" I knew as soon as the words were out of my mouth that the fiends wouldn't permit it.

"No, bring the girl."

"I don't think so," I almost growled. I shifted forward slightly, ready to pounce.

"No," Bella whispered.

"Shh," I murmured.

"Felix, not here." Demetri had more control than Felix and for that, I was grateful. There was no way we would escape if a fight broke out. He turned to me. "Aro would simply like to speak with you again, if you have decided not to force our hand."

"Certainly," I agreed quickly. It was better to come quietly. "But the girl goes free."

"I'm afraid that's not possible. We have rules to obey." I tried to hold back a snarl.

"Then _I'm _afraid that I'll be unable to accept Aro's invitation, Demetri."

"That's just fine," Felix said.

"Aro will be disappointed," Demetri sighed.

"I'm sure he'll survive the letdown," I snapped. They began to advance. I held my ground. It was then I heard the familiar 'voice'. My head whipped to the alley she would come from.

_Edward! _Alice thought happily.

"Let's behave ourselves, shall we? There are ladies present." She said this out loud appearing in the alley. She skipped to my side as if our lives weren't in danger. I was immensely glad to see her. Felix looked annoyed that now it wasn't two against one.

"We're not alone," Alice said, referencing the family and the little girls at the mouth of the alley that had been goggling at me earlier.

"Please, Edward, let's be reasonable," Demetri said, shaking his head after glancing at the humans.

"Let's," I agreed. "And we'll leave quietly now, with no one the wiser."

"At least let's discuss this more privately." Our audience was swelling.

"No," I said through my teeth.

"Enough." It was Jane. Of course, who else would it be? I must not give her an excuse to use her 'power' on Alice or I… or worse: Bella. Felix and Demetri relaxed immediately, blending back into the shadows.

"Jane," I sighed in defeat.

"Follow me," she said simply, gliding into the deeper darkness. I wrapped my arm around Bella's waist and towed her along after Alice. Demetri and Felix shadowed us. Bella glanced up at me, her eyes filled to the brim with a fierce curiosity mixed with intense fright. I shook my head at her; this was not the time for questions from her.

"Well, Alice," I said conversationally. I was trying to distract Bella. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to see you here."

_Of course I'd come to stop you!_

"It was my mistake," Alice answered, mimicking my tone. "It was my job to set it right."

"What happened?"

"It's a long story. In summary, she did jump off a cliff, but she wasn't trying to kill herself. Bella's all about extreme sports these days."

_Jumping off _cliffs_, hanging out with _werewolves, _and riding _motorcycles!

"Hm," I said, my voice marred with disapproval. Of course, only Bella would look for trouble even when the greatest danger has moved on.

_And I shan't forget to mention _Laurent _coming across her and almost killing her in _your _meadow!_

It was then we reached the end of the alley so I had no chance to react. In the ground in front of us was a sewer hole. All of them led to the stronghold. Resigned, I dragged Bella closer to it. Alice had already slid into it.

_After you. _Felix thought maliciously.

* * *

**Should I keep going? The problem with continuing it is: where would I stop?**

**Thanks for reading, please review ^_^**


End file.
